Hannibal V Constantine (hannibalv) wrote,
Hannibal V Constantine

Transcripts of an evening:

A conversation:

Me: Aooooooooooooooooooooo!
Conversant A: full moon tonight?
Me: Nope. But howl I needed.
Conversant A: huccome? feeling all primal and... and... what? um... howly?
Me: Gigantic weighty issues in the home.
Conversant A: oh? unexpected pregnancy?
Me: Unexpected spousal abuse and solid talk of divorce.

My mom attacked my dad with a breadbasket.
Conversant A: WHAT!?!

(wait wait... a breadbasket? can a snicker a little bit? or was he wounded?)
Me: He wasn't wounded, but he was in his WHEELCHAIR.
Conversant A: well yeah, okay. so mom and the kitchen implements clearly had the advantage.

good lord. what did he SAY to her?!
Me: If the phone in my room worked, I would have called the police on them.
Conversant A: seriously?
Me: Yes. As it was, I went to a room with a working phone and it died down as I got there.
Me: Not so much what he said as what he did.
Conversant A: what? WHAT? what did he do to deserve having basketry hurled at him?
Me: Not hurled, pummeled. He's no angel in this: she discovered that he has been using her (not their) credit card to buy things online.
Me: That said, I think she overreacted.
Conversant A: are you terribly upset?
Me: Calm on the surface, paddling like hell underneath.
Conversant A: *hug*

they won't damage each other.
Me: I'm not so sure. She drove off into the night at one point, brandishing a phone book, most likely to call some kind of attorney. She actually said the "D" word aloud. She threatened to kill him, and wished him dead.
Conversant A: but she's catholic!
Me: Mm-hmm.
Conversant A: no?
Me: She claims she called his sister in NY and says that my aunt said my dad's not welcome there.
Me: Very much so, which should be an indicator of the gravity of things.
Conversant A: why is he not welcome with family?

does he not work?
Me: He does not, no.
Me: As for why he wouldn't be welcome...my aunt likes my mom more than she likes my dad (her brother).
Conversant A: sheesh. maybe you and dad should get a pad someplace and he should do some data entry/medical transcription for income so he can buy things online without trauma?
Me: His hands barely work.
Conversant A: oh, he's quite incapacitated then, eh? i didn't know. wow...

mom must be terribly fed up and angry in order to take her past and her faith into consideration and still walk out on a dependent spouse. wow... all over a credit card?! c'mon! she's been angry for a long time, right?
Me: Sainted Mother told me "Don't think you're responsible for him, 'cause he'll just suck the life out of you, too."
Conversant A: wow... yeah. that's some seething resentment there. yeah.
Me: Oh, she's been angry for quite some time, to be sure.
Me: It's back-and-forth insanity, really. Thing is, if she cuts out on him now, it's a death sentence.
Conversant A: it IS!? why?
Me: Health insurance.
Conversant A: medicaid? disability?
Me: The "ideal" case would be that he ends up living with me and I'd become the one making the Medicare co-pays, etc.
Conversant A: but that's something of an unwanted obligation for you, no? (it's okay, the guilt can wait until later. i know it's big and strong and beastly. but you have every right to feel that way. truly.)
Me: Damn right it is.
Me: I'm not financially stable enough for such a thing.
Conversant A: and his sister is his only surviving family. jaysus. life really tosses some spitballs, doesn't it? gads... this is profound stuff, my beautiful friend.
Conversant A: this is true. yes. your job is wonky lately.
Me: Oy.
Conversant A: so (she lamely muses)... so....

Conversant A: yes. some big oy indeed. these are heavy decisions for anyone to deal with.

why is mom so angry? because this isn't what she wanted out of life? she feel cheated by having a sick spouse?
Me: She's a pathological anti-liar. She hates lies more than anything.
Conversant A: oh. was she a horrible victim to a horrible lie at some point in her formative years?
Me: More than likely. I've never gotten into it. I know that she wanted the guy before my dad to ask her to marry him...until she walked in on him in bed with another...

Conversant A: oh. gosh. that's a good one. yes... ow.

she didn't marry her rebound guy, did she?
Me: Unknown.
Conversant A: how unfortunate. all of it.

is it rude to ask what's got dad in a wheelchair?
Me: Bulging vertebrae. He can walk, usually with a walker, but sticks to the chair in the house.
Conversant A: jeez. painful stuff?
Me: Yep. Coupled with depleted stamina.
Conversant A: how frustrating for him. is he angry as well? i think i would be. i'd feel cheated and betrayed, were i him.
Me: He's got many of the same head-daemons that I do.
Conversant A: so there's another sort of death sentence risk, rather than the merely fiscal? yeouch.

who will care for you both?
Me: I will have to, it seems.
Conversant A: at the risk of sounding almost agonizingly pithy...

i heard someone say that courage is often the accident of surviving from one day to the next.
Conversant A: at the same time, survival is a joyless way to live.
Conversant A: you and kind and honorable to come to that conclusion, however.
Me: It's not like I can do anything else.
Me: He does have a disability case in the system. Depending on how that turns out, things could change for the better.
Conversant A: other people, with less compassion, maybe could.

but you could not. which is why you're a decent human.
Conversant A: but what a mire that system is, eh?
Me: There are lawyers involved.
Conversant A: ewwww. lawyers. =]

Me: Park Avenue lawyers, NY, NY, who will take a third of what he gets, but he'll be getting something (perhaps as much as 11 years in arrears).
Conversant A: are they making any progress? is this a new case?
Me: There are filings a-plenty.
Conversant A: well... let's hope those expensive bastards can do their jobs, eh?
Me: Ayuh.
Conversant A: it will be less traumatic than you expect, i think -- i hope
Me: Anything's possible.

A simultaneous conversation:

Me: My mother attacked my father with a breadbasket and threatened to kill him.

I win.
Conversant B: I didn't know it was a contest. Are you doing okay?
Me: [shrug]
Me: This really looks like it could be endgame.
Conversant B: well?
Conversant B: How does that make you feel?
Me: She said the "D" word out loud. She's never done that, at least not with me in the room, before. She may have called a lawyer; she drove off with the phone book and returned 20 minutes later.
Me: If the phone in my room worked, I would have called the police on them.
Conversant B: Want me to come get ya and we can go out or something?
Me: Nah, it's too late. I'm already sans-pants.
Conversant B: Seriously. I've never cared for your pants anyway.
Conversant B: We can go to hooters and demean the help.
Me: Not tonight.
Conversant B: Let me know if you change your mind.
Me: An hour, 90 minutes ago I would have said otherwise. But the timing's all off now.
Me: Sainted Mother told me "Don't think you're responsible for him, 'cause he'll just suck the life out of you, too."

Another simultaneous conversation:

Me: Now, I realize the timeframes are significantly different, but my mom's seriously threatening to divorce my dad and I need to hear something from someone who's been through it.
Conversant C: Alright. What do you need to know?
Me: Does it suck forever, or just for a long, long, long time?
Me: I'm sorry if I sound like I'm making light. But dumb-ass defensive humor is my primary armor.
Conversant C: Well...for me, because it happened when I was young, it's residual in the sense that it has effected how I approach any type of relationship. I never had a positive role model of a relationship to work of off. You're older...so I would think that it wouldn't effect you as long.
Conversant C: No, it's ok
Conversant C: It'll be an adjustment and awkward, but because you are old enough to have your basic sense of self worked out, I don't think it would have the same long lasting effects as if it had happened when you were still impressionable to the point of forming your personality...if that makes any sense.
Me: It does.
Me: Christ.
Conversant C: :)
Conversant C: Honestly, it'll be weird if it happens, especially since you do live at home...are you in any position to move out?
Me: Not necessarily--couple with this the fact that it would fall to me to house him, too.
Conversant C: That seems rather callous of your mother...sorry.
Me: Sainted Mother told me "Don't think you're responsible for him, 'cause he'll just suck the life out of you, too."
Conversant C: Hrm. That's not very nice, but I don't know the specifics, so I can't really understand it. (and that's not a ploy to get you to elaborate, I don't need to know if you aren't comfortable with it.)
Me: My life is an open book.
Me: She found out tonight that he's been using her (not their) credit card to buy things online.
Me: She responded by attacking him with a breadbasket and threatening to kill him.
Conversant C: Oooh. Uncalled for on both ends.
Me: Mm-hmm.
Conversant C: Did he use her cards to provoke her? Why did she react so violently?
Me: (It may or may not be worth pointing out at this point that he was in his WHEELCHAIR when she hit him.)
Me: He used her cards because he has no income of his own.
Conversant C: Ah. He has no disability/pension then, so no means to support himself without her.
Conversant C: And I take it she resents him for this.
Me: Correct.
Conversant C: How could he take care of himself without her aid?
Me: You're talking to him.
Conversant C: I see.
Conversant C: No option of assisted living...
Conversant C: Have they tried counselling?
Me: No, and I doubt it would take even if they did. They're both horribly retributive.
Conversant C: This is a very unfair situation for you to be placed in.
Me: Yep.
Conversant C: There's no one in your family who could help?
Conversant C: Has your mother threatened divorce before?
Me: His only other family is his sister in NY. Sainted Mother called her tonight and says my aunt said he's not welcome there.
Conversant C: Did you verify this yourself?
Me: She has never used the word, out loud, in my presence--until tonight.
Conversant C: I see.
Me: I did not, so it's iffy at best. She's three-quarters crippled herself, so it wouldn't be a good pairing.
Conversant C: Ah.
Conversant C: And could offer no financial assistance in the event you were able to get your dad into a place with assisted living for him...
Conversant C: Well...your dad could always ask for alimony from your mother due to his condition.
Conversant C: In the event she did try to divorce him.
Conversant C: She does realize that, doesn't she?
Me: I don't know that it's a "could" or a "would".
Me: I don't know.
Conversant C: Since she makes the money and she supports him, he could fight for support and he'd probably have a decent shot at winning some kind of compensation...a possibility she may not have considered that would probably infuriate her.
Me: Oh, indubitably.
Conversant C: So she's going to end up supporting him, most likely, in any event...why bother with a dissolution of marriage through the courts?
Conversant C: I dunno.
Conversant C: Just thinking outloud.
Conversant C: This is entirely about their relationship, you really shouldn't be factored in.
Conversant C: You are an adult in your own right.
Me: Because while love makes the world go 'round, spite keeps this household running.
Conversant C: That may be true, but you could choose to remove yourself from the equation...technically, right? In theory?
Conversant C: What do you think your mother would do if you told her you were moving out and wanted nothing to do with their relationship issues? And if you pointed out that the chances of her having to support him after the divorce were very high?
Me: In theory, sure. But as the philosopher said, "Sure, Lisa. Communism works...in THEORY."
Conversant C: I see.
Me: What would she do? Probably attack me in some manner, physicially or (more likely) emotionally.
Conversant C: Sigh. You need to remove her from your life or at least put a lot of distance between yourselves.
Conversant C: I wish she wasn't combative.
Me: You and me both.
Conversant C: Well...at this point, I'd start thinking about what the best option for yourself would be in the event they divorce...and for yourself, period. It's high time that you get yourself into a more positive living situation.
Me: Yeah.

So. How you doin'?

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