December 4th, 2004
I don't know what to do here any more.
I haven't had a really original thought in months, it seems. I've got probably a half-dozen entries begun, posted to "Private", but never completed and released for general viewing. I do that to make sure the code, links and images &c., is all correct. But my thinking usually peters out, the entry is never completed and, though it was fine in the moment, the moment is past, and forgotten about.
I've thought--more often than you'd think--about shuttering this thing completely, keeping it around only to comment on passing entries of other people.
How long would it take anyone to notice?
I think some part of it is this house. I could be neck-deep in thoughts at work, or on the road, or whatever, but the second I walk through the door...it's not so much the bursting of a balloon, as by a pin; rather, it's a sudden outrush of air, quiet and over in an instant, and I no longer have the energy/will to do/say much of anything.
Can't get out, shouldn't really stay. What to do?
There's allegory here, if you want.
|Date:||December 4th, 2004 02:06 pm (UTC)|| |
Can't get out, shouldn't really stay.
I emphasize the second half of this, but understand why the first exists. I wish I knew what to tell you, because I remember the exact same feeling. I know that my parents never understood when I told them I simply couldn't write at home.
I do know that when you do manage to post, I'm glad to see it. So please don't shutter up.
Funny you post this. Just last night, I wrote an extended missive in my personal, hand-written journal about writing simply for the sake of writing without regard to what I perceive the reader wants to see of me. I don't know if that kind of perspective works for you or not, but I think journaling is a ton easier if you really don't care. It's tough to get there for me, however, so I must struggle.
|Date:||December 4th, 2004 05:07 pm (UTC)|| |
Of course, I want you to keep writing because you usually point to neat websites or pages or articles that I'll never discover otherwise. And you're funny, angry, happy (and even sad) in entertaining, interesting ways. The sadness isn't, y'know, that entertaining, but it's part of you, and it takes courage to share it, and if doing so helps you, then it's very precious.
But you aren't a performing seal. If this journal is becoming a yoke, or is in any way contributing to unhappiness, then by all means shutter it. It would be missed. Don't doubt that, ever.
Nonsense. You will perform, and you will enjoy the tasty smelt we throw you as a reward.
|Date:||December 4th, 2004 09:10 pm (UTC)|| |
Hear us great one, for we are in need. In lowly supplication do we beseech you for your wisdom, and pray that your words will fill us with amusement and occasional angst ~
Please don't stop writing, unless it truly makes you unhappy. I always perk up when I see something from you.
This is what I'd say: move out when you can. Take a break from the creative when you need it. But please keep writing. I like reading other peoples' posts, and even though I myself am never sure about anything I ever post, even private notes to myself, in the end I think I'm a better person for it, and I think and hope you will find the same. Work is it's own reward, and while I can't always agree with that, most of the time it tends to be true.