It seems--and not for the first time--that I've lost the plot.
I no longer know what the hell I'm doing here1.
Somewhere along the line, I stopped sharing really much of anything about myself on here. Similarly, I became more interested in getting reactions for what I say2.
Just over a week from now will be 6 years since I started scribbling in this thing. Outside of elementary school, that's pretty much longer than I've done anything.
Why am I still here1? Who am I trying to impress any more?
I think part of it is that there is very little in my life that passes the "is this interesting enough to share with people?" test any more--the last thing I want to do is waste anyone's time3. Taken in a larger sense, if I don't find any aspect of my life interesting enough to share, what does it say for the day-to-day events of that life?
At what point does living stop feeling like damnation?
1Here=LJ or here=Earth? Discuss.
2Correlation is not causation. However, it seems difficult to prove causation without correlation.
3To which the quick response of "Well, you should shut down this fucking entry right now" bubbles forth in my brain. This response is likely to remain unbidden.
4I could tell you what prompted all this, but you wouldn't believe me, and I would rightly be the subject of ridicule for it.4a
4aYeah, I know there's no note #4 up top.